Do you ever wonder why we do what we do? Why do we automatically assume some things and not others? And why do we think we can get away with the craziest things?
When I was seven years, I was excited to have my first business venture — a Kool-Aid stand. It was one of those hot, blistering summer days, and I quickly sold two pitchers of Kool-Aid. I returned to the house to mix another batch to discover we didn’t have enough sugar. I made another pitcher with half the sugar and assumed no one would notice. After selling some of that batch, I thought I could double my money if I added more water. I ran to the house’s water spigot and used the garden hose to fill the pitcher back to the top.
Things were going fine until one kid yelled, “Hey, what’s wrong with this Kool-Aid? It tastes like water! I want my money back!”
I ignored him, thinking he would go away. But he didn’t go away, and he got louder and louder until my Mom came outside, saw a bunch of unhappy customers, shut down my business, and gave everyone their money back.
As an entrepreneur, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about situations like this and what I found is we make assumptions about everything all the time. We see dark clouds and assume rain. We hear a door slam, see a frown, and think the person is angry with us. We see a man driving a Mercedes and think he has it all. We are masters at interpreting situations, or at least we fool ourselves, thinking we can because we don’t know what we don’t know; we don’t question what we don’t perceive, just as we don’t think about taking our next breath.
In the movie Office Space, Tom talks about his million-dollar idea of selling a Jumping to Conclusions Mat.
“It’s a mat — that you put on the floor, and it has different conclusions written on it — that you could jump to!”
Sounds ridiculous, right? But we do it all the time! All of us rely on subconscious filters and mental maps ingrained in us long before we –- as adults, can evaluate and process our emotions.
Our perspectives are our windows to the world. But what if those windows are cloudy or smudged? We wouldn’t be able to see the whole picture, right? Consider this example:
Imagine you see a guy on the subway floor in NY begging for help…
As you walk by, you think, “Be careful, don’t make eye contact; he’s a bum, look away.” You don’t see the situation accurately.
This is what happened to a friend of mine who’s a very successful, high-level executive. He broke his leg, got off the subway, and lay on the ground in agony, begging people to help him. But nobody did.
How can we be sure we are evaluating the situation clearly and correctly? Well, we could incorporate mindfulness and awareness into daily practice. Still, it’s no easy task because, as we know, changing old habits can be somewhat daunting — no less challenging than juggling flaming torches!
Challenge Your Assumptions
Here’s a tool you can whiteboard with your team. Or take out a blank piece of paper and work on yourself.
Make three vertical columns. In the first column, write “Observe,” in the second column, write “Assess,” and in the third column, write “Adjust.” Take a minute to think about a current situation that’s troubling you.
For Example — Someone in your department — say, Frank — is defensive and challenging, making it hard to get along with him. He’s making you crazy with his behavior.
Column 1: OBSERVE
Write your assumption, “Frank’s defensive.”
Column 2: ASSESS
Now view the situation like an impartial spectator as if you were sitting in the balcony of a theater watching actors on a stage. What are you assuming? Is it true? What if it wasn’t true? What if Frank isn’t defensive, and he reminds you of your Crazy Uncle Harry? Write in column 2, “He looks like Uncle Harry.”
Column 3: ADJUST
In this column, reframe the statement with a new reality. Adjusting, the thought becomes, “Maybe Frank is nice after all, and I judged him too quickly based solely on his appearance.”
Hopefully, you’ll find this tool useful in uncovering thoughts that keep you stuck and opportunities you’ve overlooked. Making assumptions as we go about our daily lives and never thinking twice about them gets us into trouble. When our beliefs get distorted, we take things personally, misunderstand the situation, and blame others, affecting our relationships, jobs, and ability to make wise decisions.
It’s easy to get caught up in the mundane, time-bound world and get hijacked by schedules, deadlines, and responsibilities. We lose valuable time by paying attention to everything except what’s happening now, making snap judgments based on stereotypes and old beliefs. We forget how to be open and vulnerable. We fail to notice the beauty, energy, and creativity of the world around us.
Don’t forget how to play!
Take a risk by asking yourself, “What if I’m wrong? What if what I believe isn’t true? What if I’ve been jumping to conclusions?” Asking questions like these will help you grow. It’s an alternative way to embrace change without fear.
Just one more thing, don’t forget to “Question….your answers!”
