More ways to make your brain your bitch
As a Business Advisor and Coach, I often wonder why one person is successful and the other person with the same background, education, upbringing, etc. is not successful. I believe it has to do with resiliency and coachability. If you could create an algorithm for success, it might include something like practicing nonjudgmental awareness, trust in one’s own self, and exercise free and conscious choice. But we are not human computers….yet. We screw up, we make bad choices, and we must learn to get over ourselves and move forward, quickly.
One of the goals of a coaching session would be to help you discover ways to get into “flow” — that relaxed, aware state of being with a focused, centered mind. Let’s face it, flow happens when we are doing what we want to do. It’s harder to come by when we are doing our taxes, standing in line at the post office, or cleaning the toilet. But there are some things you can do to create the right conditions for flow.
A technique widely used by professional golfers is to imagine hitting the winning shot. This is based on the dual theories that the brain is unable to tell fact from fiction (which is why we cry at sad films) and that every time we repeat an action we ingrain a new habit. By picturing the winning shot, we trick our brains not only into believing we have done it, so that it will be easier a second time, but also creating the neural pathways of a new habit.
Create the Right Conditions for Flow
Here are some techniques to create good flow….so you can be the ball, baby!
- Stay centered in reality. Be open to clear and immediate feedback. There is no time for over thinking or over trying, tell your self-consciousness, anxiety, and self-doubt to get in the back seat, buckle up, and shut up because your courageous self will now be driving the bus.
- Know the difference between things you can control and things you can’t control. There are some things you could influence, but hey try giving up your attachment to the outcome for a day.
- If you’ve ever been to an AA meeting, boredom is something newbies really struggle with. Replace boredom with intrinsically rewarding things such as binge watching Netflix or enjoying Reddit’s oddly satisfying forum thread. Find something that puts a smile on your face.
- Balance skills with challenges. Find the optimal balance by either increasing or decreasing your skills vs. your challenges. There was a time I stopped enjoying riding my bike. I had become a Strava achievement junkie. If I went out for a twenty-mile bike ride and didn’t beat my previous record I didn’t feel like I was getting better. One day, I decided to just ride for fun. I took shadow selfies and stopped frequently to take in the mountain view, watch fish swimming under the sparkly sunshine on the lake, and listen to coyotes in the distance. It was gratifying to experience the moment without any expectation. I gushed with gratitude as I fell in love with riding my bike again. When I got home, I felt two inches taller.
- If you are feeling out of sync with the universe, use visualization techniques to transform yourself back to a time when you were in a peak flow state. Recalling the time you sat on your martini deck, clinking glasses with your loved ones, and toasting to the new six-figure job you landed will put you right back into that glorious state of self-confidence. You can now face the world with your invincibility cape on. Go get ’em, tiger.
- Merge action with awareness and be flexible as new information bubbles up. Be like Bruce Lee, “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water. You put water in a cup it becomes the cup, you put water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put water in a teapot it becomes the teapot. That water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” In other words, if all else fails, go with the flow.
- Do a 180. Which means — do the opposite. The other day I started thinking about something that happened in the past that was really shitty. Instead of pushing it away, I went with it and started feeling a flood of depressing emotions. Just before I burst out crying as I often did when I dwelled on that same damn thought, a split second before tears, I burst out laughing instead. How ridiculous it was to remember something so crappy over and over again! What a joke! It was the best belly laugh I’ve had in a long time.
